Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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