OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
