dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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