I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The air taste purple.
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