I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
