Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
