Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
