I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
