At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Someone shattered a urinal.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
