Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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