And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
