Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
