So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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