capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
