I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
