you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
