is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
