I just pynch a tree in the face
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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