I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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