some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
