Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
