Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
