You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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