...so i touched it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
