I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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