good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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