who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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