It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
