are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
