life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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