I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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