I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
