i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
