I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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