If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
