What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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