I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
