How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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