Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
