Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i think i just lost a toe
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
