i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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