The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
