I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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