shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
