im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
