i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
