I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
