Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
