Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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