pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
