he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
