So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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