sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
